blackouts

Today I wanted to talk about something a little hard, something that a lot of people avoid talking about for various reasons. 1) could be that is makes them uncomfortable 2) they’re scared of the subject 3) they don’t want to bring their good mood down.

That subject? Mental illness. Now I’m not talking about the television version of mental problems, and every mental illness is different. Some people don’t even think mental illness is a real think but, rather, just a disorder that an individual has created to get attention. Of which, I do not agree with. Now, we all have our problems but those problems don’t necessarily mean mental illness.  And like I was saying, they’re all different. If 15 people all had O.C.D. you’d be damned to think they all act and respond to the disorder in the same way – they don’t! One person may handle it “well” and minimize it whereas another person may not be dealing with it well at all, in fact, it may be debilitating. Not to stray too far from the topic, but one time I head someone scoff at someone getting out of a car that was parked in a handicapped spot, saying, “I love seeing all these handicapped people just come be-bopping out of their vehicles”. I’m sorry, not all disabilities are physical and you should know that since you’re a doctor. Yes, a doctor said that. It both disappointed and infuriated me. At the time, though, I said nothing.

Anyway, mental illness is a real thing. Some days are good, some dates are okay and some days are absolutely awful. Sometimes days or even weeks can pass and things are fine whereas, in a single month it seems like your stuck in hell. The point that I am trying to make it that not all mental illness are the same (obviously) and that not every person with “said” mental illness reacts to it the same. 5 people with O.C.D. will NOT all act the same or REACT the same to their mental illness/mental disorder. Some adapt well, some do not adapt well, and even – still – some may not adapt at all.

To put it out there, and in relation to another blog post that I posted about (vaguely related), I have have a mental illness. I am NOT a healthy 20-Something American. I am mentally ill. I think, maybe, that I have been mentally ill since birth but that the signs and symptoms truly manifested when things in my life got too tough for me to handle. I take medications on a daily basis and I’ve been hospitalized for my mental issues. I don’t just have 1 thing wrong with be according to doctors. And with that said, every doctor has a different option about me (which is irritating). I will not go into details about my mental illness, because frankly, my demons are mine and I don’t want to share them with others (at this time). The conclusion I am coming to here, is that I can still function on most days. After work in the afternoon, and on weekends are the hardest for me because its when I have the most free time. Sometimes I think about committing suicide because that would make everything better, it would make things go away and be a total and definite solution to be problems. BUT I also value my life to much, with a Christ centered philosophy, I have no idea what world I would be headed to, had I chosen to take my own life. And I do NOT want to find out. So, I have goals, dreams, aspirations, relationships that I very important to me. So, I rally, I move on from that dark and negative thought onto something else. But…. BUT… some people can’t do that; they can’t rally because they are stuck in the deep deep darkness of desire that only the strong can pull themselves out of.

So, if you are reading this, and this is you right now. Try not to despair. We are all different, and handle things differently but we have one thing in common. Bad days. I have had many a bad day and even was hospitalized (as previously stated) for one particularly bad day. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, Call someone. Call a loved one, call a friend, send a message to someone over Facebook. If I know how my luck works, maybe your luck will work like mine and and no one will respond to you. DO NOT DESPAIR. People are out there and they do care. I promise you, they care. If you need someone to talk to that isn’t attached to your situation in anyway and you just need an opened ear to communicate with call this number: 1-800-273-8255, that is the National Suicide Hotline. People on the other side of that phone number volunteer to help people who are having bad days. Many of them don’t just do it because they’re doing it out of the kindness of their hearts. A lot (if not all of them) are doing it because they are personally invested in the topic – because they have personally lost someone, or because they have been in your shoes and know the darkness all too well as well. Do not be afraid. You are not alone.

Advertisements